It has been a few days since I started an entry. In that regard, it could be said I broke the agreement I had with myself to write for an hour a day for the month of October. I am sure there are many reasons I could list for the hiatus. It comes down to this. I have been tired or busy. I work in a field that is emotionally demanding. After a demanding day, it is likely I would have the desire to come home and exist as a sack of man-flesh, doing nothing of consequence or importance. When I started this job four months ago, those days came more frequently than they do now but, they still come. When those days came less frequently, I pondered what I could do with my newfound free time. That is when I considered returning to my roots as a writer as more than a passing interest.  That is when I decided it was time to focus on my creative. And so, the idea to write for an hour a day was born. Still, there are days where I need to do nothing. I had one of those days this week.

As mentioned above, the other option might be related to busyness. I had a busy day this week. Let me paint you a picture, dear reader. Imagine for an instant, your alarm goes off at 4am to be at work by 5 or 530a. You spend until 2:30p at work trying to help clients navigate the stressors of life to varying degrees of success. All of which takes an emotional and physical toll on your wellbeing. You get home by 3p, knowing you should be back on the road by 5p to meet a friend by 7p. However, before that, you need to make lunch for tomorrow because; you know you will be out later than is normal and, will want to go to bed as soon as your head hits the pillow, knowing you will be up at 4am the next morning. Added to that is the pressure to bake chicken before you leave because, you don’t want it to go bad before you can cook it. All of this happens between the hours of 3p and 5p. You are out with your friend from 7p to 9p, and back home by 10p. Dear reader, what I just described all took place one day this week.  Needless to say, that left little time to write, creatively or otherwise.

So yes, there have been things activities and non-activities that have taken away from my writing stamina. While all that is understandable, there is one other aspect to writing contributing to my lack of entry over the last few days. Inspiration. For anyone keeping up on my entries, the last two entries have been creative in nature. Creative writing takes a different energy.  Flexing your creative muscle differs from writing an entry such as this. There was once a time where I could flex that creativity for hours in a day, sleep, and be set to do it again the next day. Like any muscle, if you don’t use it, you lose it. It has been some time since I have stretched my creative. I can no longer go for hours a day. I have to build up to it. My second creative entry (Mornings) didn’t feel right., it didn’t have the depth to it that the first one (Darkness) did. In that moment, I knew I didn’t have the creative strength I once did. I’ll get there. It will just take time.

I have ideas for scenes. Mental images. Feelings. Weather patterns. All of which build an atmosphere for character development and exploration. I surprised myself Darkness. I created something unique and personally unexplored. That excited me. I want to continue that exploration and discover things about this new protagonist I had no idea existed. I have evolved as a writer based on my experiences.  Mornings felt like I was retreading on old characters and themes. The names may have changed, but the characters felt like they came from a time long past and long forgotten. It seems like it’s easier for me to develop something new than rehash something old and idealistic.

I’ve had ideas percolating to expand the world I started in Darkness. So, I suppose that is what I will do. While I know little about it yet, I know this world is one of darkness, where heroes are flawed and wrestle with their own demons. This is a world where monsters might exist. A world where technology and magic exist in tandem and if used properly can compliment each other. However, if you are careless in their combination, disastrous results are a reality.

If there has been one thing I have learned over the years of reading and writing it is this, worlds and characters must feel believable to the reader. They must include flaws. I think this is why I am drawn to the world I started in Darkness. It’s deliciously flawed and imperfect. As I mentioned above, Mornings felt idealist, perfect, and familiar. Year’s ago, I developed and played a character who was a personified version of who I wished to be. I crafted a world and a scenario allowing him to thrive. While I may have thrust him into the midst of a civil war, the world was still too perfect with predictable outcomes. I can’t write in that style anymore and be satisfied. That’s it! I wasn’t satisfied with Mornings. The entire time I have been writing this entry I’ve been trying to come up with a description of why Mornings rubbed me the wrong way. To put it I wasn’t satisfied with it. It left me wanting more. Wanting conflict. Wanting imperfection. I got none of that. It was a picturesque morning with a naturally talented protagonist whose only worry was that he was late. It left me unsatisfied.  By contrast, Darkness left me wanting to know more about the world, about the things that go bump in the night, about our weary protagonist who seemed to despise the dark corners his job has taken him. It left me wanting more. And it left me with a new world to build, which is exciting.

I seem to have rambled. I know I have been writing for longer than an hour. So, this entry is done. But I’m not done writing for the day. I have a world to build!  I should note, I already have an idea for the next entry. I’ll leave you with one word. NaNoWriMo.

Till next we meet!

 

Author's Note
This daily was written over the course of two days.